Drake & The Weeknd - Trust Issues (JAYBeatz Mashup)

There's like a million remixes of this freakin' song but I like this one the best because this one is a mashup and doesn't sound like a mashup cuz I hate mashups. But this sounds like this should sound like this. Ha! I sound dumb, anywho. yeah.

Dear Diary....Just a Blip in my Mind.

Preface:

This goes out to anyone who thought they were supposed to be somebody by now. All you can do is love yourself and your family on the way. Just because your not somebody now doesn’t mean it will never happen. Instead of saying it’s not happening, say it just hasn’t happened yet.

SOMETHING.

A long time ago when I was a very young girl, some woman complimented my name. She said that Marlena Jade Muñoz sounded like a rock-star or someone who could be famous. For some reason that memory always stuck with me growing up. I’ve always thought I’m destined to do something amazing in this crazy world of ours. I knew that eventually sometime throughout my life I wanted to contribute, create, or discover something that would make people know my name. I would become that rock-star.

FEAR.

I had my fair share of different passions while growing up. I’ve always been a creative person. I used to make my own books when I was six. I would put on my own plays when I was 8. I used to make up games and even make movies with my cousins when I was 12. I played the keyboard and guitar when I was in high school. I started a trend in my sewing class to make hoodies. I wrote tons of poems and songs. I’ve made plenty of beats and even a few songs on my laptop during college. Recently, I bought two turntables and learned how to mix vinyl. While growing up, FEAR kept me from focusing on one passion though. I had all the resources in the world and the creative out look but I was distracted. As I got older, I was distracted by my fear of being alone. Ever since high school, I started focusing more on finding someone, another person to become my passion. For some reason I wasn’t enough for me.

FOCUS.

Currently, I’ve graduated with a writing degree and still working for a job that’s supposed to be temporary. And ever since I turned 25, I’ve been beating myself up about it, realizing that time’s a tickin'. Where’s my career? Where’s my passion? I’ve spent too much time putting my energy, my passion, in other people instead of myself. Living in a city like San Francisco you think would help me in find some type of creative career opportunities. However, I distracted myself with trying to find someone to love me instead and was ok in my hamster wheel. My life was one big hamster wheel. It wasn’t until I broke up with my recent boyfriend that learning to love and be with myself, like really just be alone with myself, is necessary. Right now at 25 years old, is the first time in my life I’m really focusing on truly loving myself.

FAMILY.

I have an incredible family. There are so many successful, creative and talented men and women who share the same blood as me. Even the people my family married are amazing as well. It’s almost intimidating. I have to admit it is intimidating. All I ever wanted to do in my life is to make all these people proud of me. I hate disappointing anyone and always been my absolute worst critic. Growing up for some reason I felt I had nothing really to show for because I was so unfocused about what I was trying to do with my life. I made the mistake of comparing myself to my other cousins who are incredibly talented and were already advancing in their passions, while I was running steadily in my hamster wheel. However, my family has always been supportive and always wanting the best for me. I was just too busy being disappointed with myself to really see that my family was truly proud and could actually help me even more. I’m not the best communicator or staying in touch. So growing up I’ve lost my connection with some of my family but it’s not like I ever stopped thinking about them. My mom always nagged me non-stop to call upon my family to help me with resources, a career. Again fear kept me away. I just wanted to be that rock-star that I’ve always thought I would be.

ESCAPING THE HAMSTER WHEEL

One thing I do remember what my family always thought of me. They appreciate how strong and independent I am. They knew I could always hold my own and they didn’t have to worry about me heading to a wrong direction. It’s true. No matter how hard situations are in my life, I am always resilient. I decided to leave the big city life for a little bit and refocus. My wonderful Auntie and Uncle are graciously letting me live with them until I save and figure out what the heck I’m going to do with myself. It’s a much-needed escape from the hamster wheel. Not only is this a relief but also it’s an opportunity to finally reconnect with family who were the solutions to my problems all along. Very recently one of my Aunties told me I’m at a very exciting and hopeful crossroad in my life. She also said the balls in my court; her and the rest of my family are on the sidelines cheerleading the whole way. So I’m here’s my chance to believe it and believe I am that rock-star named Marlena Jade Muñoz.

R&B? PBR&B? Who cares! It's Music!

I just want to say that I’m feeling Frank Ocean and The Weekend’s new direction of R&B music. The reason is they are blurring lines of what is considered R&B. Some people on the Internet are even labeling them as “PBR&B.” In other words meaning that this R&B music is more hipster friendly. Many people think that the labels “R&B,” “PBR&B,” and “Hipster” in it selves are derogatory but I don’t have the time or enough research to defend those arguments. This is not some type of sociology assignment. I’m just discussing two artists who have my full attention, and they just so happen to fall in some obscure R&B category. All in all it’s just music that some people like and some people don’t.

Now back to my original topic. I like R&B. No wait let me rephrase that. I love R&B music. It was the first type of music that I remember ever hearing when growing up. It has come a long way and again this is not going to be a history lesson of R&B music. That would take another 20 pages or so. We all know how R&B evolved, perfected, peaked, and maybe losing a little luster. But I’m in no way bashing on current R&B artist for they have definitely set a foundation and are still successful.

However, through my ears I feel The Weekend and Frank Ocean are creating fresher sounds and using samples that cross between a few musical tastes and genres. One example is from The Weekend’s song “What You Need,” off their mixtape “House Of Ballons.” They pay a nice homage to R&B princess Aaliyah by sampling a few lines from her song “Rock the Boat.” It’s a slow song about a love triangle, with a catchy chorus, a haunting singing voice, backed up with soothing keyboard and drumbeats. ‘They also sample from Beach House with “Loft Music” to the British rock band, Siouxsie and the Branshiee’s “Happy House” sample on the titled track, “House of Balloons/Glass Table Girls.” (via MTV) The Weekend is definitely more in touch with their rock and roll side and makes me respect them more as artists. They opened up a few musical directions and sounds I’ve never myself took a chance to listening to and blending it with their own R&Bish way. They creatively introduced a die-hard R&B fan like to be more conscious of some great indie rock.

Another example is From Frank Ocean’s current Mixtape “Nostalgia/Ultra.” He samples artists such as MGMT, Radiohead, Cold Play and a few others. He turns these songs into his very own. It’s something a person would have to listen to other than me trying to describe it in words. All I can say he is a very clever artist and has an amazing talent in writing songs, creating images, and nuances. Frank Ocean aka Christopher "Lonny" Breaux has written songs for artists such as Brandy, Beyonce and Justin Beiber, so he is definitely part of the Top 40 R&B world. Basically he has a talent that can cross over and reach out to listeners who are not that much into R&B music and then the even more beautifully thing, vice versa!

Isn’t that what music is all about anyways? Finding someway to express a feeling or a sound that can blur lines of segregation and connect people together. I think so.

Poetry...Shhh don't laugh

Feeling like I want to share some old poems I've written a while back...they're pretty rough and may change over time but enjoy anyways.

"Working Title"

I rather just lock myself in my bathroom and look upon the pictures you took

but they are all of her now

It could of worked if you wanted it to
I know it seemed impossible but it could of worked
if you wanted it to.

And when I go to sleep you're in my dreams
I'm sure I hold my breath
hoping you breathe it back into me

I hold my breath every time you talk to me
Cuz I'm hoping that you will breathe it back
into me

Words can't even begin to explain the pain
u left me with
Your presence in my life has left an imprint

If only the sun was around when you were around

Instead we hid between my sheets
during the time when rain hit my window

I still hold my breath every time you talk to me
I'm hoping that you'll someday breath it back into me

Words can't even begin to explain the pain
u left me with

Your presence in my life has left




come back...



"Before I Could Regain Myself"


Before I could regain myself again
You intervined
I knew it was wrong
But I'm blind to most
of my mistakes

Was it the real me you fell for
or did the lusty pressure reveal
only a wonderful idea of me?

And before I could justify myself
We were strangers

My love became some foreign island
surrounded with dark and heavy
waves, too deep
A voyage not worth the trip

Not even the crack in you voice
or the mist in your eyes
could comfort the blow
to my ego

I didn't let you give me one last kiss
goodbye

because it would have erased
all the others that came
before...

R.I.P. Nate Dogg

Pac Div - Nobody's Perfect - Mania!

Nobody's Perfect

On March 5th 2011 yours truly turned 25 freakin' years old!

A long time ago when I was an infant—like 7 years old, I dreamed of becoming a school teacher, married by age 24 and to be pregnant by 25. PPPPSSSSHHHHHHH!!! I am faaaaaar from any of those expectations. I no longer have an interest of becoming a teacher, my love life should be tapped, and there's no way in H E double hockey sticks I plan on having a kid any time soon.

So what is this 25 year old woman doing? I'm still living in the city of San Francisco. I graduated with a degree in Creative Writing and I'm currently slangin' designer jeans at BloomingHELL (Bloomingdale's). I live with 3 home boys/brothers, and recently bought turn tables. Let's just say I'm living day by day.

Turning 25 however made me feel like time is running out for finding a real career. I moved to San Francisco in hopes of finding one of course but thanks to the horrible job market and economy my B.A. means squiddle lee dee. All last year I sent out numerous resumes and cover letters to different job posts for a writing gig. However, no one wanted to give me a chance not even Twitter. :( Needless to say I became discourage. I was tired of being rejected or feeling no one was giving me a chance, so I just gave up. I eventually got comfortable with my job and stopped looking upon pages and pages of Craiglist for job posts that weren't going to give me a chance anyways.

Last week after recovering from my crazy birthday party, I had an emotional breakdown. (usually happens once a month when my little fiend visits me). Something inside of me wanted to go home. All I kept thinking was I am not where I want to be. I don't have an amazing writing career, I'm not making my name known out in the world, and I'm still working at a stressful retail job. I was convinced that retreating back to Stockton my home town would be a better option to help me save money and start over.

Yesterday, I decided to give home a short visit. All I did was watch reality T.V. and eat stale cereal. It was lonely and boring and all I wanted to do was be a vegetable. All I kept thinking was I'm going to miss all my friends, the amazing SF food, and the fast pace life of the city.

On the drive back to S.F. I was still undecided of what I really wanted to do. However, as I got closer and closer I felt happy because I was coming home. As I crossed the Bay Bridge, I realized I can't give up. Nobody's perfect. I just need to get back on track and keep searching for something out there for me. I fell back in love with the possibilities of the city. So today I made my decision that I can't return back, I came too far to just return home and start all over again.

I was glad to find my friends and roomies with words of encouragement and support on my decision to stay and stick it out. Everything that I need for inspiration, encouragement, and opportunity is here and inside of me. I just keep getting in the way of myself.

Again nobody's perfect and it takes time to find where we all belong in life, and for now I do feel like SF isn't ready to give up on me yet.